revealed by fire

in my move, i've been sorting through a lot of stuff. having a woodburner makes it easier to dispose of a lot of it... old papers, junk mail, etc. etc. i'm kind of a packrat.

well, last night i was making a lot of progress, but as i was burning an old birthday card... the moment really struck me and 1 corinthians 3:13 came rushing to my head. "each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done." how fleeting this life is. how much i treasure and hold onto stuff that is all doomed to fire.

Lord, help me to keep my mind on eternity and eternal things. Help me to treasure what truly lasts!

david crowder

i am full of earth, You are heaven’s worth
i am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
the antonym of me, You are divinity
but a certain sign of grace is this
from a broken earth flowers come up
pushing through the dirt

well, the random gardener ring is coming to a close... right where it began... david crowder. (did you know that was what was playing in my head as i thought through all of these thoughts? haha sistrina, it was right there all along, maybe you didn't realize it...)

(yes, i do use the ellipses too much)

grace.
beauty that rises from dirt.
God's work.
happening even when i can't see it.

but the harder i try, the more clearly can i
feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all.
and so this might be could be
the most impossible thing;
Your grandness in me, making me clean.
glory, hallelujah! glory, glory, hallelujah!

God, help me to always remember that YOU are in control. remind me of perspective.

glory, hallelujah - He is working out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will!

sowing and reaping

so yeah, i've been collecting acorns from all over this fall... the idea being to plant them so that oak trees might be produced... why oaks? well, they're slow growing and long lasting... a tough tree. (with some significance being in planting something that will outlast me) why acorns? well, duh, cause that's where oaks come from... and hence the point:

"do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked, a man reaps what he sows." galatians 6:7

just thinking about what results i want to see from my life - what God wants to see from my life... whatever i may WANT to see - it will wind up being a result of what i do... it takes time and intentionality... small first steps for big results... (related cool quote: "when saturated by the Word, more surely will our prayers be heard." - only way to saturate is through being in it!!!)

oh yeah, and i'd probably better check about getting the bags of acorns out of mom's fridge soon - cause they've been there more than a month!!!

of streakiness and spurts

after watching how poorly ohio state has shot in the second half of each of their last two games, perhaps i fit with them...

LOL - it's been a long while since i've posted anything on here... just seems that i get busy with other things sometimes...

wow, not only do i use a lot of the (dot dot dot), but i've also left several good blog ideas hanging. the acorns are in bags in the fridge and may perhaps be sprouting by now - of course, i may never have spoken of them here before. in such case, never mind the previous sentence - someday it will all become clear. what progress then? well, we've got halfway up the addition sided and the big new window installed. i've moved out - and into the apartment house by pap and gram - all quiet except for the radio... hours and hours of sorting and arranging and burning OH THE JOY of having a woodburner again! it makes for a fun way to rid myself of some of the extra junk mail, etc. lying around - it also provides for heat. which is nice.

yesterday, i spent quite a while meditating on acts 2:28 You have made known to me the paths of life; You will fill me full of gladness with Your presence. kinda thinking about the idea of paths being plural... like - He shows me the path of eternal life through Christ, but i was also asking Him about the everyday, here and now path... WISDOM, o God! - also it's just cool to think the thought of being FULL of gladness with His presence... i want that to be true of me!

Growth

there is a satisfaction or a frustration that arises with growth or the lack thereof. i guess that's my basic premise.

we've been filled with great joy this year that the garden has produced so bountifully, AND i've heard mother complain several times that she's never spending any more money on mums, cause they always seem to fail miserably.

when i stop to think about it, this is just what paul's saying in i corinthians 3... that some plant and some water, but only God can make it grow. why is the garden so much better this year than the last couple? because we did anything differently? no. the weather has been just about perfect. (we even had great corn!!!) are we doing something wrong with the mums? not really - it just may be that the name "hardy" is a lie. (and even this morning i saw that one of them is currently taunting her outside her window with it's full display of orange bloom that she doubted would ever come)

real life. my life. it's about pouring into people - teenagers mostly. let me tell you - tons of joy when there is growth and pain and frustration when there isn't. but i am reminded, God is in control of the growth. i need to stick to my part - planting seed, watering - and rejoice in the Lord (always) who is my strength. (rather than being angry about a vine like jonah)

apart from Him i can do NOTHING!

Beauty or The Ability to See Colors

one of the books that i have been reading is The Pleasures of God by John Piper. it's one of those books that you read little bits of at a time and just meditate on it for awhile. yesterday, i read this:

"...with God the honeymoon never ends. He is infinite in power and wisdom and creativity and love. And so he has no trouble sustaining the honeymoon level of intensity; he can foresee all the future quirks of our personality and has decided he will keep what's good for us and change what isn't; he will always be as handsome as he ever was, and will see to it that we get more and more beautiful forever; and he is infinitely creative to think of new things to do together so that there will be no boredom for the next trillion ages of milleniums."

the thought that came to mind is similar to what i was already thinking in this post. seeing God's creativity in His creation helps me to catch a tiny glimpse of His glory. awestruck. colors are amazing beyond words. try to describe color to someone who cannot see... think about what words you would use.

last night's sunset was amazing - offset by the rising moon in it's near full brilliance. our Creator is marvelous beyond words!

The Joy of Hard Work

There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from him who can eat or who can have enjoyment? Ecc. 2:24-25

Ecclesiastes is one of my favorite books in the Bible. Probably because of the way it depicts meaninglessness and despair - and yet comes through to point to the only ultimate meaning being found in God. Sometimes i feel that despair, and yet i find myself being a hopeful person. Why? Because God is in control!

So i like to work hard. I like to get really dirty. I like to feel bone tired at the end of a day knowing that something has been accomplished. In work, i find a freedom to think - a freedom to meditate, the noise of the world is drowned out and i am simply glorifying the One who made be by pouring myself into the task at hand.

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. 1 Cor. 15:58

the random gardener

i am full of earth, You are heaven’s worth
i am stained with dirt, prone to depravity
You are everything that is bright and clean
the antonym of me, You are divinity
but a certain sign of grace is this
from a broken earth flowers come up
pushing through the dirt

i've been thinking a bunch since last week when i was taking pictures of flowers about how much i love flowers and why. i've also realized that it goes much deeper than that... having spent many evening recently skinning and freezing tomatoes and breaking green beans. maybe it's just a plant thing. cause then i started thinking about how much i enjoy mowing and pruning (although i'm not as keen on raking and cleaning up the mess that makes). couple that with the fact that i always answer that internet survey question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" - "a gardener," and i see that there are so many places i could go with this... (which definitely hasn't led me to sit down and type right away, but to contemplate for a week and find that it's becoming more and more complex... actually, they could all probably be their own little sub-blogs... lol - yeah, that's it - i'll put the titles here - and write those blogs one at a time ;)

the joy of hard work

beauty - the ability to see colors

the idea of growth

sowing/reaping

david crowder

sunflowers... (pictures now, words later)

just one of her idiots...

"one who is taught the word must share all good things with the one who teaches." galatians 6:6

gram was born on august 27,1919 - which would make her 88 today. why do i enjoy studying the Word with others and helping them memorize? a big reason is because gram was faithful to study with me. i wonder just how many thousands of verses she read to me to help me memorize them or how many hundreds of hours i spent on the floor of her trailer tossing a ball and quoting.

what a blessing to have had a grandmother who loved Jesus as one of my best friends. THANK YOU, LORD! help me to carry on faithfully.

"i am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother lois and your mother eunice and now, i am sure, dwells in you as well. for this reason i remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 timothy 1:5-7

the heavens declare the glory of God

but we're too enthralled by the glow of our cell phones to notice......

God, help us to overcome the distractions! Captivate us with YOUR glory!

"As Jesus and his disciples were leaving Jericho, a large crowd followed him. Two blind men were sitting by the roadside, and when they heard that Jesus was going by, they shouted, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!" The crowd rebuked them and told them to be quiet, but they shouted all the louder, "Lord, Son of David, have mercy on us!" Jesus stopped and called them. "What do you want me to do for you?" he asked. "Lord," they answered, "we want our sight." Jesus had compassion on them and touched their eyes. Immediately they received their sight and followed him." matthew 20:29-34

the next steps

just got back from camp and i really was feeling like listening to "rest for the weary" by cool hand luke... it drips emotion... so good, so good.

Hey, it’s me
I’m sorry it’s so late
I can’t sleep
I knew You’d be awake (Psalm 121:4)
You’re always home
Waiting by the phone
For nights like these
When I’m feeling all alone

I wish it didn’t always
Have to be this way
I wish that I could talk to You
Face to face
But nothing compares to the way
You always listen and know just what to say

Hold my hand
I can’t stand alone
Here I am
Waiting for You to take me home

Oh, I just want to sing
I only wish there was a word
For what You mean to me
I would only say it once
In hushed tones
So it would not grow old
But all I have
Is “I love You”

You’re my Jesus, You’re my hero
Everything I wish that I could be

You’re the one who comforts me
When everyone is gone away
I can’t stand alone
Here I am
Waiting for You to take me home

And I will keep on singing
Because You hear me
And I will keep on smiling
Because You’re near me

I’ll sleep well on a promise tonight.

i'm full of ideas for what comes next for teen world... and me. it was a week of frustration, but a good week. birth pains? my "once alienated" boys. the calls about quizzing - God, help the excitement last! "shallowness persists, i must resist." i want to study prayer in the pauline epistles - i want to help kids go deeper! too many rules? lol - i read galatians today!(law and Spirit - freedom) HAHA - this blog entry is like my brain right now... so much going on, little bits and pieces, scattered... collecting 'em and ordering 'em will be sooooooo important.

competing allegiances

so i was walking outside tonight... looking at the stars - praying... haven't done that in awhile... and the mostly full moon was rising reddish on the horizon... and i started to sing a rich mullins song "there's more that rises in the morning than the sun, and more that shines in the night than just the moon..." well, when i got to the phrase "the stuff of earth competes for the allegiance, i owe only to the Giver of all good things" it stopped me cold

that is EXACTLY what it keeps coming back to with all this "don't waste your life" and "desiring God" stuff... what is my real treasure? and i was reminded again of 2 corinthians 4 "we have this TREASURE in jars of clay" (HAHA - it just hit me, jars of clay covers "if i stand" on the rich mullins tribute cd) - so i want to meditate again on just what "this treasure" is...

"For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ."

say that again: THE LIGHT OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE GLORY OF GOD IN THE FACE OF JESUS CHRIST!!!!

as i meditate and ask God to prepare my heart for camp - as i think about how we will spend saturday evening as counselor guys - OH GOD - let me see THE LIGHT OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE GLORY OF GOD IN THE FACE OF JESUS CHRIST - that i may be transformed by that glory (2 cor. 3:18) - and may those around me be transformed as they see that glory reflected in me!!!!

"therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart."

And there's a loyalty that's deeper
Than mere sentiments
And a music higher than the songs
That I can sing
The stuff of earth competes
For the allegiance
I owe only to the Giver
Of all good things

So if I stand let me stand on the promise
That You will pull me through
And if I can't, let me fall on the grace
That first brought me to You
And if I sing let me sing for the joy
That has born in me these songs
And if I weep let it be as a man
Who is longing for his home

... oh Lord, set me free from the "stuff of earth"

poured out

just got back from africa and one of my assignments is to type up the "coke bottle" illustration. (mike says that i am the master of it. lol.) the main point is that we "spill" on those around us, and what spills out is what is within us - NO MATTER what the label says...

anyway, since i got home, i've come across some "pouring" references:

2 Timothy 4:6 "i am already being poured out as a drink offering..."

Philippians 2:17 "even if i am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith..."

and thinking about being an offering:

Romans 12:1 "... present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

hmmm... i wanna do more studying on the topic, but if i remember - the drink offering was just kinda dumped out onto the rest of the offering on the altar. guess it reinforces for me that i am not so important. so often, i am the center of the universe and it's all about me... but it's not me... i'm just sposed to be poured out....